Why

I'm crying. Again. Hormones vacuum.

I can't help but think about the future, with this little girl in our lives, and how much we are going to struggle...

... I'm miserable. Alone most of the time. Fat. And it feels like there is a bowling ball between my legs.

I want a miracle of money to show up at my front door so that I can feel more secure with our future... so that I can raise my little girl and not be depressed over everything else in my life.

The doctor is so worried about post partum depression. She put me on zoloft in January, and then the dosage was increased when I started having panic attacks. That's when I went on disability early, and now I'm not sure if there will be a job for me when I need to return... however, I don't want to go back to that job, so I've been looking for something part time, hopefully at a hospital or something... we'll see.

I'm rambling. And still crying. I'm pathetic.