Gift

When I meet a new person, I tend to take a while to really open up and to trust. I blame myself for this, because I still haven't moved on from the bullying I received in eighth grade.

Once I begin to trust, then I start loving hard. I care, I worry, I hope for happiness for everyone that means the world to me. I send nice notes, snail mail, gifts, flowers, surprises. Having kindness towards others really brings me joy. Knowing I made someone's day is the best gift. 

I give myself the gift of making others happy. 

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I got an email from a friend saying I was spoiled because I had received an iPad from a family friend so I would have something to do in the hospital. I laughed. Spoiled? 

In my head, I pictured Oprah Winfrey saying YOU get a tumor! You get cancer! you get an iPad! 

Last week, I was brought to my knees with tears and shaking. My OM friends had joined together to create a web page for donations to help with medical and regular bills, caused by this stupid cancer. They asked me to accept this gift. It was so difficult to say yes. I feel like my financial issues with bills and expenses are my issue and not any one else's responsibility. But finally, after a lot of encouragement I said yes. And to be perfectly honest, it happened on a day where the hospital was calling to collect, I had just paid over $120 for prescriptions, and was wondering how we were going to afford groceries. We never used to live paycheck to paycheck. My health drained our savings. 

So here it is, the most amazing gift I've ever received, from the most inspiring group of people I know. 

 http://www.gofundme.com/3y7njk

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I have always tried to make the people in my life know that I care. And I must admit, this feeling of receiving care, even brought thoughts and prayers feels amazing, but is still overwhelming. 

I wish my OM friends and my Georgia friends were closer on a map. I wish I had all the money necessary to travel to see my friends. I wish that, on my darkest days... The days that the pain is unbearable, and the tears are never ending, and my children can't be around me because of how sck I feel, it's those days that all I want is a hug. 

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I think I've come to realize that tragedy, poor health, and death really awakens people, and reminds them to say hello, or do a nice jesture for another. Things I strive to do all the time.

I want to thank those of you that have thought about me and my family, those that have donated money to truly help with living, and those of you that keep encouraging me to stay strong.

Thank you!!

Here is one of my favorite songs... I used to think of it as an adoption anthem, but it fits this, too.

Mel