I got to watch Samantha continue to blossom at preschool, see how excited she was to exchange valentine cards with her classmates, and watch as she wrote her name, and could count to 100.
I was so fortunate to be able to have a family trip, my parents included, to Georgia, where I got to meet my nephew for the first time, and go to Disney for the second time in 12 months, with all of my children, my parents, my 93 year old, thrill ride seeking grandma and her friend, and sweet Aunt Mayme. It was nearly a week of pure magic and memories.
I was able to judge long term problems at the Minnesota Odyssey of the Mind tournament in April, amd was asked to join the board.
During all these fabulous moments, I was attending quite a few doctor appointments to see of there was a missed explanation as to why I suffer from chronic head pain. One of these searches ended me up at a neurogynocoligists office. We went through many tests on my bladder, and I was scheduled for a CT scan to make sure my kidneys hadn't been damaged due to bladder issues.
That's when the year that had started out so magical, changed. I received a phone call regarding the CT scan. "Your kidneys are fine, however, there seems to be a large mass on your pancreas. Dr. B wants you to see a surgeon so we can rule out anything bad. We are hopeful it is just a cyst."
Say what? I was stunned. Another phone call came within 10 minutes from the surgeons office, wanting to see me right a way. Within 5 days, I met a man who would save my life, we just didn't know that yet.
I was quickly scheduled for a biopsy on my pancreas. "No, it doesn't look like a cyst, it looks like a golf ball sized mass. But don't worry, young adults can get those, so it's not a big deal."
,ay 15, 2013 I had the biopsy on my pancreas. Recovery was awful. Pancreatitis set in, but I didn't have time for that, I was too busy staring at the phone, waiting... Waiting... Waiting more for a ohine call that would say, it's nothing, keep in living normally.
May 17, 2013. The call came. 4 pm on a Friday afternoon. The nurse was vague. Panic set in as I dialed my doctor to get more information, trying to get a hold of someone before 5 came, and the weekend began. 3 days before I had to travel to Michigan for World Finals. Finally, there was my surgeons nurse.
CANCER.
I cried. B cried. I called my parents, and had to hang up because my moms sobbing was too much to bear at that time.
What now? What were we going to do? When does everything start? Can I go to Michigan?
"Go in your trip. When you return, scans will start immediately, and you'll see doc soon after."
So I went to Michigan. I kept saying this week Odyssey, next week cancer. It was hard to receive sympathy. I tried not to think about what was about to come. I just wanted to have fun with some of the greatest people I know. But, the word was out. Sympathy poured around me. I realized then that my odyssey friends were really my odyssey family, and I wouldn't be alone in whatever would be happening soon.
Odyssey ended too quickly. Kristen took me to the airport. I had a break down by security, and bawled in her arms. (She honestly gives the best hugs that I have ever received in my lifetime.) "you're not alone, Mel."
May 28, the scans began, and on May 31, we saw the worry in the surgeons face. "You'll have whipple, and you need it right away." Right away? No, Ann is getting married, I'm her matron of honor, I need to be there. "I'm sorry, you need it." Surgery was scheduled for 6 days later, June 6, 2013. I called Ann. I cried. I apologized.
We celebrated Maggie's 4th birthday with a joint party with my nephew Alex, who turned 5. I went crazy, spending a ton of money on decorations and gifts. They loved their princess-dinosaur party.
I was doing everything I could to fit as many activities in a 5 day time period, just in case I were to kick the bucket.
B wasn't sleeping, my parents weren't sleeping, I wasn't sleeping, yet those 5 days flew by, and then it was time. June 6 arrived. Time for whipple surgery to remove this horrible stuff from my body.
I thought I knew pain. I have been living with chronic head pain for years. Nothing compares to the pain after whipple surgery. I screamed when I moved. I slowly became accustomed to the pain, and was soon up walking and going to physical therapy. After 24 days, lots of vomiting, lots of oain, lots of needles, lots of nurses, lots of flower deliveries, and a matron of honor speech via skype, I was going home. I was home in time to spoil Samantha with a great hello kitty birthday.
I remember only some from July and August. My memory has been shot by anesthesia and pain medication.
In August, Samantha started kindergarten and Maggie started preschool, and her speech therapy continued. Some of my amazing Odyssey friends started an awareness page about me, with a silent auction and an option to donate money so that B and I could continue to survive and feed our kids! etching. My parents, who have been rock stars through all of this, returned to Georgia, and I worked on slowly being a full time mom again. That's when more bad news hit. I had thyroid cancer.
My thyroid removal surgery was scheduled for October 10. Before this, I turned 30, and had a black out, causing me to hit a parked car, and returning me to the ER. I don't remember any of this, but have been told that I cussed out a med student, as well as my parents. I realized soon after, that I didn't know who I was any longer. I had gone from a semi healthy mom, to a woman that had lost 40 pounds, and was still in pain from surgery, and was no longer happy with herself, nor her life.
The thyroid tumor was removed, as well as my entire thyroid and some lymph nodes, that showed the cancer is on the move. My parents returned for my surgery to help with life, kids, and crazy. They were present when I received notification that my license had been terminated until I was medically cleared by a doctor to drive again. I didn't get a ticket, but lost my license. The paperwork said because I have cancer. That still stings to think about, and I felt like my only remaining freedom was ripped away. I'm still working with doctors before the paperwork will be signed and returned to SD.
November is a blur. I had trouble with my leg, and went to the ER more than a few times from the pain. I saw my pain management doctor often. My parents went home again in November. And the week after thanksgiving, a strange pain began in my stomach. After some of the experiences in the ER, I kept living with the pain, until finally, I had to give in, and went to the family practice. There it was, pancreatitis.
December. I don't know a lot of what happened this month. I was at Sanford hospital for 3 straight weeks, getting pain and nausea medication. I had three scopes, one was a surgery, to try to fix the issue... My pancreatic duct is completely closed, a side effect of the whipple surgery. B and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary at the hospital, and an offer we placed on a house was accepted. So, B and my FIL, moved us out from where we were currently living, into a pod, storage unit, and my inlaws basement. We hopefully close the middle of January.
I was released in time for Christmas. I'm pretty sure my children had the best Christmas yet, since I went a little crazy online shopping. But, the pain, and the other issues caused by pancreatitis returned, so I'm back at the hospital , hoping that my pain will get under control, and that my referral to the mayo will happen quickly, so that my duct is fixed, and I can again continue to recover, and get back to where my life should be.
All of this has taught me better patience, as well as giving me a better ability to relinquish control on different things. 2013 showed me to keep looking for the good out of every day, and not to take anything for granted. I learned some valuable lessons about who I shouldn't have in my life, as well as to open up and trust more. I've also learned the value of friendships, and how lucky I am to have the amazing people in my life.
I won't miss you 2013. I am more than hoping 2014 is less eventful with my health, so that at this time next year, I can say the year was stupendous, instead of horribly painful. 2013, you've taught me a lot, but I'd like to stop learning health lessons and start living life to the fullest.
Bring on 2014! Happy New Year, all!
Mel
No comments:
Post a Comment