Positive.

*Sigh* I wrote an entry this morning, posted it, and have now deleted it... let's try this again.

The Mayo Clinic didn't have anything new to say... there's a possibility of a new drug to try, further on in my pregnancy, but we're not 100% sold on it, since it is a schedule C drug. Yes, I want to feel better, but I don't want to risk my child's health in order to do so. I know that "this too shall pass" once I deliver... and I know I'll make it the next 26 weeks (thanks to early induction!)... I also know it's not going to be easy... but I'm trying. I truly am trying to be positive. I had a friend tell me that I was focusing only on the negative, which was keeping me from feeling better. I can say, yes, I haven't been myself because of being sick... but my whole mindset is at feeling better and being able to get my kids home where I can take care of them 100%.

So... where do I go from here? I don't know. My headaches are severe. My nausea isn't completely under control with zofran and reglan. I still get sick on a daily basis, and there are moments when I can't function because my headaches are at a point of no return. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it... I'm not making up the pain... and I want more than anything for the pain to go away. The depression I have from Samantha & Maggie being gone, while still weighing heavily on my heart, is and will continue to get better. I know that having help is cruital right now. It's just difficult to accept because I do feel like an inadequate mother.

I am feeling very alone in Sioux Falls. Brandon's been working a lot of hours, and I feel like I've lost touch  with the little friends I do have here. I've made attempts, but haven't gotten anything in return... I'm confused. And alone. And it's not just Sioux Falls... I feel this way with friends in general. Is it me? That's what I'm questioning.

I am seeing a new counselor, whom I truly do like, and can see actually working with. I've had my share of counselor's in the past... but truly, when meeting this one, I felt a connection almost immediately. It was also bizarre because of the things we do have in common... the only difference is she is 30+ years my senior!

Anyway, enough whining, doubting, and questioning... here are some positive pictures for the day:

Baby Jacobs #3 at 10.5 weeks! A boy this time??? We shall see!

Look very closely... two arrows are pointing at little baby feet!
These little feet were movin' and groovin' the entire ultrasound!

It's amazing... one thing I CAN keep down, with no difficulty:
sweet & sour CANDY! So strange... but delicious!
Here Brandon & I are enjoying some airhead xtreme's on the way home:

I think the baby really likes them, since it's one thing he or she
allows me to keep down!

Melissa