*Sigh.* I love sleep. A LOT. My children like to take this passion away from me. Maggie just hasn't wanted anything to do with her bed after about 3 hours at night. So therefore, she becomes an additional bed mate. A kicking, punching, snoring, singing in her sleep bed mate.
The girls are getting twin beds on Friday. Samantha helped pick them out, and yesterday, they found Rapunzel sheets at Target, and smiled sooooo sweetly at me, so that I couldn't resist. (Dang you, Disney and your fabulous princesses.) I really, really, really (times a gazillion really's) hope that her new bed will encourage her to sleep alllllll night there. I could really use a night of sleep without wondering how in the heck her leg and foot reached up and kicked me in the neck or face.
And maybe then, the bags under my eyes will start to disappear. Please?!
...
I got my hair cut this past weekend. Another thing I USED to love, but now seems like a pain in the neck- literally. Every little brush, every attempted head massage while getting my hair washed, every little touch of my scalp, ends up in pain. I wanted a hair cut. I know I could grow it out and become a real life Rapunzel, but I need something to make me feel a little bit attractive. No pain, no gain will be my hair motto for now on.
After I got my hair cut, Samantha exclaimed "oh, Mommy, your hair looks nice!" Then she paused, and looked a little perplexed. "How 'bout some make up, Mommy? Then you'd REALLY be pretty!"
Really pretty? At 3 1/2? Mommy then looked perplexed... and probably a little tired.
I found this on pinterest a while back.
And while I try to remain positive about how I look, it really isn't happening any longer.
I don't feel pretty.
It doesn't matter how many crunches or other "get a fabulous tummy" exercises I do...
I gave birth to three children.
I've lost 25 + pounds since last March... or well, June.
I'm down 2 sizes.
But pretty? No.
Tired? Yes. Worn down? Yes.
Life just has dealt too many obstacles in the past year or so... and pretty just doesn't enter my mind.
Sad? Completely.
So when I try to find ways to make myself feel better about myself, I take them.
Hair cuts, new make up...
To no avail.
I would love to go shopping for clothes at stores other than resale or thrift stores.
I got a gift card to NY & Co for Christmas. And it felt wonderful to buy a new shirt... not just a new to me shirt- but with tags still on it- no one had ever worn it before me.
I'm fine sacrificing for my kids.
Whether it's monetarily, giving up sleep, and looking and feeling frumpy.
But I guess I want just a few moments of feeling "pretty."
...
Brandon has been sick, now for the 3rd day, and at home.
I've been feeling a little judged and watched over.
And I guess it doesn't help that we got into a rather huge fight yesterday.
A fight that led him to tell me to get out.
So I packed a bag, and was wondering where I would go. A rest area? A cheap hotel?
I wondered how I could be without my kids... forced to be without them.
... well I'm still home. The argument intensified. And then I guess an agreement was reached. Or maybe not. Maybe we were both just tired from it, and didn't want to go on.
When will something happen? When will I find what I'm searching for and feel right about life?
Too much has happened in the past few years, and I feel like I've been just going with the flow... and holding it in. So now, feelings are out, and I'm more confused.
*Sigh.*
Melissa
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