The New Norm.

My mother in law is 53.

20ish years ago, she found herself in tremendous pain after having an accident while training to be an E.M.T.

 

After years of testing, pain relief techniques, physical therapy, nerve blocks, and hell, she was finally diagnosed with R.S.D.

Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy.

 

To put it lightly, it's not very fun to have.

To put it bluntly- it's hell.

 

Over the past 20 years, she's had numerous surgeries to get a pain pump, change the batteries in the pain pump, and get a new pain pump.

 

She had a surgery to get a stimulator implanted, and then another one to remove it.

 

She's had her back "fixed" twice. The first titaniam rod BROKE, and she had to go through the surgery a second time.

She has a new hip.

She had to have her ankle broken, and screws implanted to "hopefully" make her walk straighter.

 

She's been on every pain medication known to man.

 

She has been on her death bed a handful of times.

 

She's been to hell & back, and we don't know if she'll ever be better. Her body continues to break down from complications.

 

The surgeries were put on hold for many years, and then when her body started to adjust itself to the pain and the R.S.D, she had to start having all the surgeries.

 

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What I'm saying is, I don't want to turn out like my mother-in-law.

 

Ok, laugh.

Most daughter-in-laws would say this... but for other reasons.

My mother-in-law is amazing. She's amazing with me, and a inspiration when it comes to my children.

 

I don't want to turn out like her physically.

 

I am in pain.

I'm becoming "used" to the daily head pain.

I've had it long enough that I can handle it.

But there are still many, many days, when I want to scream because it hurts so badly.

 

I have lost faith.

Faith in doctors.

Faith in God.

 

The pain continues.

NO matter how much begging & pleading I have done with doctors & God, it is still there.

 

And it's changing.

Getting worse.

Now I have tremendous left arm pain.

(At this point in my blog, I want to rip off my left arm.)

 

More testing...

"Melissa, you have Thoracic Outlet Syndrome."

 

I was actually, for a few seconds, happy.

This means they actually found something wrong.
It wasn't another mystery of why the hell Mel feels like total shit.

 

Then I realized, oh shit.

There really is something wrong.

(I really like being right.)

 

SO, this means I'll be having surgery.

A 75% chance of being better, in the arm. (the head will remain craptastic.)

It's a difficult recovery... seeing that they'll be removing part or all of my first rib... days in the hospital...but I can't help but look forward to when the recovery is over, and my arm is hopefully back to normal.

I want the surgery... like yesterday.

A.S.A.P.

I want the insurance person at the doctor's office to do her flippin' job.

I then want the insurance company to hurry up & approve the surgery.

 

And if it screws up holidays, I'm sorry.

The pain is unreal. I want it to be gone.

I have enough pain to deal with in my head.

My kids deserve their mommy to be as close to 100% as possible.

Or as close to "the new norm" as possible.

 

*Sigh.*

Here's hoping to soon being without arm pain.

 

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My blog has kind of been Negative Melly lately. I shall have to work on this. I hope.

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Melissa