Raining.

While the weather outside is rainy...

the rainy feel seems to have made it inside.

It's raining crap lately.

I should stop asking, "what next?" Because when I do, sure enough, the crap fest continues.

I'm not going to get into details about everything.

There's been a lot of change in life lately.

And I can honestly say I have no earthly idea what a year from now looks like.

I can typically predict somewhat of the next year will look like, but nope. Not lately.

I hate pretending to be some kind of jubilant emotion.

For instance, my relationship with my siblings... happy? No.

Some of those "super happy" friendships... truly happy? Negative.

After an incident today, I'm feeling more alone than I have EVER felt.

No one will tell me that I'm a bad mother and still have a relationship with me. 

I do my best to be everything for my children.

It's been hard for three years with all the new stressors of health issues that have entered my life.

Three very awful pregnancies, followed by 6 straight months of a debilitating headache and then surgery.

No, I wasn't always with my children. But that was the best thing for them.

A mom that's not there because she's too ill to care for you, or a mom that's there, unable to really be a caretaker. I made sure they had the best care. And that does NOT make me a bad mother.

I'd like to see a certain someone have three children, ages three and under, and see how he'd survive.

And when he had trouble, I wouldn't dare call him a bad dad.

I'd say, yup- there's lots of obstacles and stress!

I can't take much more. I'm on the edge of sanity.

Don't negatively mess with me. It could get ugly.

Melissa